Sometimes there just aren't the words..

As I've been keeping this blog for the last 9 months, I've found it to be many things; a creative expression, a soapbox, a journal, a story, a commentary on my life's journey. I've not written anything for a little while. That's because sometimes it needs to be an empty space.

A book is only as good as the author. Sometimes there are periods in your life when you just don't have the words.

The last few months have been unusual. Losing so many people from around us, the reality of our new jobs, our new outlook on life and the changing shape of organisations we're involved with have brought us many questions, but as yet not revealed any answers and yet, in this space I've really learned something about my relationship with God.

I have to make space for Him.

It sounds so simple and so obvious yet this realisation is revelation. I learned a few months ago that we are designed to be 'human beings', not human 'doings'. 'I am' not 'I do'. When are lives are full of things to do, there is no space to 'be'. When I'm writing I'm not thinking, when I'm watching I'm not seeing, when I'm speaking I'm not listening. God speaks with a still, small voice of calm. In a busy life in a busy world, its all too easy to miss what He's saying.

With the maelstrom around me, a whirlwind of mixed feelings, thoughts, ideas, choices, questions, decisions, answers, paths, destinations, views, opinions, concepts and actions, I've tried to step into the eye of the storm. To try and find the calm there. Like the blank space on a page, its just as important as the words. Its been a conscious decision and its required sacrifices - I've had to choose not to do things, to create this space. But to gain, you have to give, so I've chosen to dig my ditches, to empty myself and need Him, because that's the only way to make room for Him to fill. Only then is there a quiet for God to speak into, where i can hear Him. This is a time therefore, not of speaking, nor even of thinking, but of listening and learning how to listen.

So I might not have my words, but I'll hopefully have His.